what’s wrong with you, sean?
anxiety attack @ 3:00 a.m. on december 26, drive home and barely remember getting home and finally fall asleep around 6 a.m. – fall asleep and sleep all through the day and afternoon. battle nightmares and wish desperately that you could wake and crawl out of this horror. maybe it is the disruption of the medications, the weaning and such that is keeping you asleep for so many hours, be awake for a little bit – you’ve worried people and it hurts you, try and text people and let them know you are okay and your eyes are more than heavy but the last thing you want to do is fall back asleep, so of course you fall back asleep and you are once again in a wonderland of bad dreams where sometimes the electrodes they put on the sides of your head are shooting saliva and piss all over you and then you don’t wake up again until saturday morning around 7:30 a.m.
still tired –
and i still feel shaken and confused.
i’ve been crying. if i knew i wouldn’t dream i would just go back to sleep and keep sleeping until my brain quieted down.
on my couch with my knees against my chest and i am begging it all to stop.
Tagged: anxiety, bipolar disorder, crying, depression, dreams, electroshock therapy, hating self, insomnia, isolation, medications, mental illness, nightmares, self harm, sleep
